"Welcome back! Well, here we are in the Turks and Caicos—still—and all hell is on the verge of breaking loose. Scary Island 2.0 doesn’t even begin to describe it…Seriously, it feels more like Purgatory as the days go on. I’m beyond exhausted and simply not used to being with so many women all the time. Listen, I’m a creature of habit and when my routine is thrown off (like missing my daily nap), I definitely get a little tired and short-fused. So yes…I overreacted at Fire and Ice, so let’s put it behind us, move forward, and have a little fun. Even if that comes at Bethenny’s salad’s expense…but thankfully Bethenny beat down Frick and Frack, and we had quite the lunch. And then Bethenny and Madame Yummie went on a “I know you are but what am I?” adventure and out know-it-all’d each other. Fun to watch!
Did you see Ramona give Bethenny a kiss on the bum? Almost like gay porn on a paddleboard but cute as hell! LOL! The the rest of us chilled by the beach, which was much needed. We had quite the night ahead…at The Conch Bar.
The Conch Bar is the kind of place you go to on vacation. It’s everything great about being on the islands: sand, steel drums, picnic tables, dancing, random stray dogs looking to smooch with a Countess, and pretty-colored drinks that look harmless but destroy you from top to bottom…fun. Of course, single girl Ramona has no interest in the meal—food is boring to her—so she goes for the only main course she finds interesting—the sexiest man in the place—and works her seductive, coquettish ways. (I know you all like that word “coquettish,” so I’ll just do my best to drop it in here and there…) Besides, what’s a RHONY trip without some Turtle Time with The RamonaCoaster? I don’t see why the girls got so offended by Ramona going off the bar for some mingling while singling. Being out on the beach can lead to some silly, crazy hijinks and good times! The music, the drinks, the sea breeze…a little harmless flirting…all in a day’s work! I say go for it, and quite frankly—she’s great at it! Ramona, you still got it, babe! Thankfully, the evening ended with a good old fashioned conga line…which is how every night should end in Dorindaland!
I was sad that Bethenny left us a day early, but she had a commitment with her daughter, so we all understood. I think she enjoyed herself. I definitely feel like I got to know her a bit more. She’s a lot of fun. Would’ve liked for her to have come along to The Gansevoort, which Sonja arranged for us, and it was HEAVEN. Such a beautiful place and such an amazing penthouse! We all end up on the balcony, overlooking the beach, and start with the pokes and prods and barbs and jabs…Listen, besides outright betrayal, there’s really nothing to get so judgy over. And certainly no need to start throwing zingers as if it’s a shakedown or competition. I just want all the girls to be happy and not hurt each other or themselves. I want us to be there for each other when we need advice, but there’s no need to mother one another or be moralist or preacher or judge. Let’s all find our happy place and be supportive, right? At this point in our lives, no one needs a judge and jury. It’s monotonous. We all have enough stuff going on in our lives, and as women we should be wholly supportive and not nags who point out what is right and wrong constantly. So Ramona had a little flirt and a good night with a guy she was talking up at a bar…big whoop! HOORAY RAMONA! YOU GO GIRL! (See? That wasn’t hard to do…)
But wait…The #F---YOU dinner…God have mercy! #mess
Yes, I did drink a little TOO much, and not that I want to excuse it, but I will say this: I was exhausted, physically and mentally, and quite frankly, ready to go home. I am feeling like if one more topic is belabored and over-discussed, I was going to go all Patty Hearst on everyone. Listen, we were all on vacation, and every once in a while, you get a little tipsy on vacation. It’s not like we broke new ground here, people. I don't think it merits the full-fledged onslaught, did it? Heather and I got into it over a silly topic that got blown out of proportion, and then it was over—or I tried to just get out of the way and end it. That’s that. As you’ll see, it all moves forward and the story continues…Sigh. Moral of the story: I need to take my daily nap and make the martinis much dirtier… (For those who don’t understand that, it means more olive juice, less vodka.)
I know Kristen likes to suggests it could’ve been something else that made me a bit loopy, but I just think it’s just her cry for attention. Surprisingly, she hated it last year when people made assumptions about her life and her marriage. No need for some history to repeat, I think. Listen, this was the first time I’d been away in this kind of environment with a bunch of high rollers like these girls. It’s like going to Vegas with the Rat Pack but with bad music and a five-drink minimum. By the fourth night, I was over it. Believe me, it gets better and better, and at the end of the day, we all do like—if not love—each other, and these blips are just some of the trappings of good ol’ Houswifery.
You’ll all be glad to know I’m now thinking of investing in designer bibs and a Dust Buster for my face. You’re welcome.
Until next week!"
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