"Since my kindergarten days, I never thought I would find myself in a situation of having been heartlessly condemned by a pack of grown women. Even though it is hard for me to take as a similar situation happened to me as a child, it made me stronger. On the flip side to my experience of this type of behaviour, I am guarded and I have over compensated by being overly confident.
At times the women make me feel on the outer, however I suck it up and put on my big girl panties and try to ignore it. I remind myself, it is their insecurities that are displayed and they own that behaviour.
I have no idea why Gina appointed herself spokeswomen. Has Gina forgotten these are the same women who did the same thing to her in Mission Beach? She should understand what it feels like to be on the outside and have your soul destroyed. The difference is that the pack is bigger.
What the viewer doesn’t see is that this ambush on me by all of the girls went on for over two hours during that dinner. I got to the end of breaking point before I smashed my wrists on the table with utmost desperation for them to stop.
Unfortunately it did not stop Gina and the rest of the girls from continuing to demolish my soul. I felt like the kid alone in the schoolyard when all the other kids are screaming and laughing at you. I thought these girls were my friends. I didn’t realise they had a totally different perception of my confidence.
The pack mentality in their distorted thinking of me is a fragment of their imagination, their insecurities and a perfect example of not wanting to acknowledge and accept accountability for their actions.
I will not be taking responsibility for their thoughts about how they identify me. It is no business of mine.
The feeling of hurt and pain in my heart was written all over my face, I felt alone and cast-off, tattered by the invisible lesions scaring my soul from the harsh disreputable words coming out of their mouths crushing me.
I did not think the loathing they were feeling towards me matched my behaviour, yet no one stopped the detestation that was happening towards me.
They were all guilty of the ghastly behaviour towards me. How can they sleep at night, knowing they all played a role in devastating me?
The reprimanding was unbearable, all I wanted to do was escape the screaming accusations at me, so I slid under the table and lay on the bench in utter pain. I was not allowed that peace and no empathy was shown towards me. The women wanted to shove their idea of the truth down my throat with no mercy. What happened to accepting people for who they are?
I am not hurting anyone by being up myself or into myself, what happened to loving yourself first, so that you can have the ability to give and receive love?
I may be able to slightly understand their grievances if they weren’t all guilty of doing what they are accusing me of doing.
I don’t know how Gina can only accuse me of rubbing people up the wrong way because I love myself and I am confident and I give myself a pat on the back.
Yes I have had my share of dramas with Gamble and Gina in the past, but I have moved on from that. Don’t they all rub each other the wrong way? Yet they are all attacking me. How is that fair? I am not saying that I am an angel. If someone pushes me I can push back.
Snap shot. Susie has joined the group and from day one I believe she is out for Lydia’s blood. That is acceptable by most of the girls. Really?
Jackie, Chyka and Janet are hell bent to prove that Gina is a selfish friend who has ditched Gamble, Jackie and Janet have accused Lydia of gossiping about everyone with no real proof, and Gamble behaves like a spoilt brat crying to everyone who listens and gives her a false sense of security that Gina has dumped her.
Gamble is annoyed about Gina’s friendship with Lydia and me. To make matters worse Gamble is bitching behind Gina’s back.
Lydia gossiped to Gamble about what I said to her and opened a can of worms.
Janet, Jackie and Chyka came down on Lydia really hard for that, however where I find it wrong is when they don’t have a problem when Susie gossips and stirs trouble like Susie did in Dubai. How does Susie get away with it? Is it because that gossip suits the other girls when they have a personal vendetta?
Gina tells the world she is a whole country a postcode and brags about her rating on Celebrity Apprentice and speaks to everyone using foul language.
Yet I look at the mirror during a shopping spree, give myself compliments; stand up for myself (on my own) and I get mauled. That’s ok?
I say one bad word to Gamble verse her many digs and nasty language towards me, Jackie is laughing, mimicking me, calling me names back stabbing me and no one cares. Where is the justice and fair play?
I have never asked for a compliment on how I look. I give myself compliments, so I have that well covered.
I don’t recall the girls gushing over me with compliments anyway. They only time I brought up any type of wrong doing was when I arrived at the Luminare dinner and the girls didn’t acknowledge me for a lot longer than the viewer got to see and when they made no eye contact with me at the Dubai drinks.
I did not realise the girls had this perception of me and certainly did not see it coming. I was shopping with my girlfriends and having a great time. I was so thrilled with them for taking the time to give me their opinion on the sunglasses and I felt super close to the girls during that shopping spree, little did I know they were back stabbing me. Nor did I know Jackie was wearing a turban and making fun of me.
To sum it up I am not defending anything I have said and done, I take ownership of what I say and do and move on.
I am certainly not perfect, we all have flaws and personality traits that may annoy others, but I did not deserve to me crucified and further more who appointed them God to judge me?
Where is the sensitivity, empathy and love for another human?
It is disgraceful for grown women to act in this manner on all levels, especially to “gang” up and single one person out of the whole group.
I am having nothing to do with encouraging or joining the women to now “gang” up on Lydia. It is appalling and I do not grasp that these women don’t have an ounce of empathy for another person’s feelings.
I would not wish this treatment on anyone what the women did to me. I applaud Lydia for taking the heat and not crumbling.
I am not going to feel sad over someone who gave up on me, I am going to feel sad because they gave up on someone who would never have given up on them.
Until next time
Lots of love
Pettifleur"
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