"Back from Montana!
Yee Haw! The trip was really a lot of fun, outside of all the drama mama, and it was beautiful! But I'm happy to be back in the saddle I know the best, with my hubby and our delicious littles, both hands on the wheel at Yummie and my feet planted firmly in NYC -- the place I really belong! I loved the adventures Montana brought us and although I still didn't entirely understand my dust-up with Kristen so much, I knew we were all good. Jonathan, who was entirely innocent of any wrong doing, still caught an arrow from her, too, but he didn't care. He thought it was funny and we all understood that whatever went down was hard for her. I thought it was nice we could spend some time together as couples after a silly scuffle. To sit down for dinner and laugh about it. . .but I should be so lucky. Kristen is at me for being bossy again! OK whatever -- you are bossy and I am the boss, as Jon says (so cute making light of the situation).
Kristen wants Josh's support. We can see that. When she describes our fight and feels Josh was taking my side, she was missing the point that assertiveness is a part of my personality. It's not that she was wrong and I was right. The fight was behind us and I wanted to move on. But now I realize that Kristen just wanted my support too. As she was explaining the many sacrifices she's made for Josh and their family, I got it. Kristen picked up, gave up, packed up, and uprooted her life twice! That is not easy. I also know that she and Josh are having struggles and it's all lopsided. Things are coming out wrong. There is stress for Josh to provide for his family and pressure for Kristen to find her footing when she's mumming more than modeling -- there is tension because they are not aligning and Josh isn't handling the situation well.
Entrepreneurs like Josh, who are natural at building relationships, use their talents to access resources (internally and externally), and to grow their business. I get it. So I try to explain the one thing I think can help: this is the way Josh's mind is working. Kristen is experiencing "entrepreneurial behavior":
1. Opportunity recognition: I am starting a new company.
2. Resource acquisition and venture creation: We are moving back to NY.
3. Firm expansion and growth, which is the phase EBOOST is in now: Not only will I be late for dinner, but I'm also not going to call and let you know.
Yes, this may appear to be habit forming but it's not, it's just a phase. I'm not saying it's right, but I am saying I understand it. I've been through it myself with my own start up and six years into business I still experience phases, with every new growth cycle, where you bust your ass to see your vision through. It's usually not convenient and it's usually not scheduled. But Kristen isn't biting my worm. I'm trying to help her gain perspective but instead she just sees me and Josh not supporting her and now we're both not doing a good job -- and my lecture in "The Process of Entrepreneurship" is entirely missed!
And all that jazz. . .
We were invited to Birdland to join Mario at open mic night, which I thought he was throwing. Ramona was enlisting people to sing too, and invited Lu and I to join the fun! What I did not realize was that Mario was not hosting -- Birldand was! And the likes of the other people that were performing: mind blowing! Billy Stritch on piano!?! I mean, come on people! This ain't no karaoke! There's no machine, there is no teleprompter, and there is no chance Ramona is going to let up on LuLu for choosing not to sing. And I'm now sh--ting my pants. Ramona's behavior is totally garish and unapologetic and thankfully Lu didn't let her get the best of her with all she's got going on with Jacques. But then I realize the pressure really is on me!
I really had no idea what I committed to and when that man called my name and asked if I'd take the stage I had an out-of-body experience. Nothing like walking up to a microphone in a sparkling dress and saying sh--balls! It was my Sasha Fierce moment, and when I took the stage and the music started, I forgot about everything! The diva performer in me came out, which comes from my dad. I had dedicated the song to him and gave it all I had! Too bad I don't remember a thing! I swear, it was like I blacked out. I remember nothing from that performance except Jonathan's face and Billy Stritch. And Lu sitting in the audience instead of fronting my backup vocals!
The song "Bill Bailey" brings back some of the most wonderful memories of my dad, my sister, Sherry, and I. As little girls, we would go the Taconic Wayside Inn in Copake Falls, NY, and watch my Dad perform with his band. Every Saturday night they turned it out and everyone came to see "Scotty." When we were there, he would invite my sister and I up to perform a song or two and "Bill Bailey" was one of them -- and it was the greatest thing ever. The lines of the song used to make me laugh. It's amazing how something so small could have such a huge impact, even after so many years. When I was up there, I channeled my Dad (singing with him at the TI) and I channeled Beyoncé (LOL!) and all my years watching her and I just went for it! And they both carried me through unscathed! Almost anyway! Only until I read Twitter, of course!"
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